Drugs and Love
by allPod
Summary: Oneshot. Parody of chapter 162. "Krory stopped when his eyes landed on Allen. 'E...Eliade,' he choked emotionally." Not meant to be taken seriously. Not yaoi.


_I do not own D. Gray-man._

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Raps on the door continued, each knock resounding around the residents of the room. The taps halted and a familiar but not necessarily relieving voice came through from the opposite side, "It's me… Allen, Lavi."

"That voice…is it Krorykins'?!" Little Lavi wondered incredulously.

The voice answered, "Yeah. It's me… Open up. Open the door…"

Doubt became quite a common feeling in the room. No one dared stop taking notice of the little note of suspicion emerging in their minds. Krory might be infected. That would be dangerous.

It only took one second for a decision to be made among the humans. It was an easy choice, considering how there was only one non-human amid them.

K. Ex was horrified to find himself being shoved towards the suddenly ominous door.

"What are you doing!?" he screamed at the three Exorcists.

Lavi, Kanda, and Allen replied instantly, "Go open it."

"Noooooo! That's terrible! We're all scared. If this were a horror movie, we'd be killed as soon as we open the door!" K. Ex wailed pleadingly.

"No worries, no worries," Lavi reassured him, while Kanda reminded, "This isn't a horror movie."

"It hurts us to ask you to do this, Ex," Allen explained calmly.

"No! I won't do it!"

"Listen to me, Ex," Allen tried again.

"No!"

"Now that we're separated from Komui and the others, Johnny's the only one who can make the Komuvitan D vaccine. The only ones left are you and me and a couple of worthless brats!" Allen explained, his voice rising substantially in volume.

Allen begged, "Please!"

Then, with sparkles refining his face and twinkling puppy eyes, Allen pleaded, "You're the only one I can rely on…!"

Roses blossomed and K. Ex's heart lurched, beating rapidly. He wobbled precariously, needing Allen's support just to stand. His voice faint, K. Ex murmured, "L…Love? Is this love…!? Aah, my heart aches…"

"Will you do it?" Allen asked one last time.

"Yes…" K. Ex automatically answered. "I'm opening the door!" he declared, rushing to carry out his announcement. He shouted boldly, "Come at us if you…"

"Dare…" K. Ex realized with a drastic change in attitude that his head had been kicked clean off his metal shoulders. The robot collapsed on the floor with a clatter.

A gnarled hand grabbed the door and a monstrous head appeared. Fangs bare, Krory snarled, "You should have opened up sooner… Now I'm annoyed… Kiddos."

Krory surveyed the frozen faces of his audience, judging them one by one. He stopped when his eyes landed on Allen.

"E…Eliade?" he choked emotionally.

"Eh?" All five—including K. Ex.—asked, taken aback.

Four uncertain heads and Timcampy turned to examine Allen, searching for feminine features. Lavi and Tim were the only ones who had the memories of Eliade to compare Allen with, and, they had to admit, if you were semi-delusional and possibly drugged, you could most definitely mistaken the long-haired Allen for a hot blonde with pigtails.

"Eliade!" Krory exclaimed with more confidence, certain that his long-deceased lover was back to life. He practically threw himself forward, wrapping his ropy arms around Allen. "Oh, Eliade," he murmured into Allen's hair. "Your hair is even fairer than I remembered."

Allen, dumbfounded and somewhat repulsed, attempted to escape Krory's unrelenting embrace. "Krory, you're making a mistake… I'm not…"

"No, Eliade! Please!" Krory's forceful grip on Allen tightened.

"I'm not Eliade!" Allen screamed frantically, his hand spontaneously forming a fist and ramming into Krory's stomach.

With a disgusting gurgle, a round object—along with quite a bit of saliva—came launching out of Krory's mouth. The thing splattered onto Johnny's face and splashed his glasses with spit.

Krory recovered quickly and responded with anger, grabbing Allen by his shoulders.

"No! Kanda, Lavi, please!" Allen shouted in a horrified voice that was very clearly pleading for help.

"What are a couple of worthless brats suppose to do to help you?" Kanda growled sarcastically.

Nevertheless, he leapt into the air and landed a kick on Krory's head. For good measure, Lavi's hand chopped down on the back of Krory's neck.

But the deranged Exorcist simply threw off his tiny friends, roaring rabidly.

"Unhand him, you pervert!!" K. Ex. demanded, one hand pointing at Krory and the other holding his own head.

If anything, that gesture of accusation served to intensify Krory's antagonism. His hand reached into K. Ex.'s chest and came out with a syringe filled with a clear liquid.

K. Ex. gasped at the needle, hissing, "Don't you dare…"

Krory stuck the point into Allen's neck.

With a small gasp, Allen keeled over limply, fainting dead away. Krory claimed his price, sweeping Allen up bridal style.

"He's got Allen!" Lavi screamed, just as Johnny—his hand clutching the round object— shouted, "Krory's the source of the infection!!"

But Krory was already flying out the door, murmuring, "We have much to catch up on, Eliade."

"Get him!!" howled the four remaining. Tim zoomed out with breakneck speed, chasing after his master at once. K. Ex. followed just as fiercely, the three remaining humans not far behind.

"He's the vaccine," Kanda snarled.

"And he's got Allen!" Lavi repeated. "For both Krory and Allen's sakes, we've gotta stop Krorykins before he does something he'll really regret!!"

"What's that behind us?" Johnny, being dragged by the combined strength of the two Exorcists, asked.

Lavi and Kanda glanced back, only to speed up with vigor as fear pumped more adrenaline into their veins.

Behind them, the howling beasts known as the Exorcists, Finders, and other members of HQ continued on their hunt for innocent survivors of the Komuvitan D.

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_This idea had been in my mind for so long. If I didn't type it, I would've given myself a concussion with my uncontrolled head-banging. XD If someone else had already posted a fanfic like this, let me know and I'll delete mine._


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